We all know I'm a big fan of technologies and gadgets... so when I read last week in the New York Times that one of the more innovative genetic mapping companies (23andme) had reduced the price of its Genetic Mapping service (which many companies sell for up to $2-3,000) from $999 to only a few hundred dollars, I decided it was an amazing amount of information and education to be able to get access to for that amount, so I took the plunge and signed up.
A day later, FedEx delivered a Spit Kit to my house, which requires about 10 minutes of spitting into and mixing together with a solution, and your DNA sample is ready to send back! And off it went to Los Angeles, California to a laboratory today. Funny enough, the FedEx Pak they provide specifically says "do not send liquids" on it :)
So in 6-8 weeks, I'll know where my ancestors are from, whether I'm genetically lactose intolerant, whether or not I love broccoli because I can't taste the bitterness in it, and whether or not I'm a bit more likely than average to get certain diseases or be susceptible to certain conditions in my lifetime, along with dozens of other interesting facts. For less than the price of a university course in genetics, I can view and learn much of the world's most up-to-date knowledge on the relationships between genes and personal/medical conditions personalized to my specific genetic data. How cool is that?
You can make a case against "messing with your life" this way (I had an interesting discussion about this with someone just the other night), but I think that given the great power we have as humans to be intelligent and understand life in a way that no other species can, we then have a responsibility to use it to maximize the potential of our lives. Right? I guess it's also just a bit of an extra motivation knowing that you're slightly more at risk than average to do something about it! (from 1-2 times more or less likely than the generally population, in most cases)
I'll check back in with the results in a few months!
I headed off in the morning to the Australian Science and Math School, hosted at Flinders University. The school is only a few years old, and is built with an open concept -- no classrooms, but instead a number of large spaces with desks and chairs that reconfigured in many different ways to foster teamwork and collaboration. We had a large group - about 50 teachers and school leaders, and had a really interesting day -- when I showed the "Are you listening?" video, a whole bunch of students gathered upstairs in the area overlooking where I was speaking to watch - I think they were really curious that so many teachers were learning about their way of using technology!
After a fantastic dinner by the water with a group of curriculum developers, I headed to sleep -- because I had to catch a 6:40am flight to Canberra!
I made it to the nation's capital early in the morning, and it was freezing! 0 degrees but it warmed up as the sun rose... I had a few hours to fit the gym and have lunch before heading to Canberra University -- the group in Canberra decided to have an evening workshop (4-9pm) with dinner. Although everyone had a full day of work before showing up, we still had a lot of active participation, and after wrapping up at 9 and getting back to the hotel around 10, it was time for sleep for another 6:45am flight back to Sydney for the last workshop of the trip!
Arriving in Sydney in the morning, with my 32kg on-the-dot bag faithfully appearing on the carousel, I headed off to Parramatta right on time, and arrived 3 minutes before the workshop was to begin! We had the biggest crowd of any session -- around 60 people, and so a lot of the interactive sections took a lot longer than usual, but they had great ideas and a large group of schools approached me after and wants to deeply engage their entire district with TIGed, which is exciting! After wrapping up and chatting with a bunch of the attendees, I was off to one of my favourite hotels in the world -- the Westin Sydney, to relax, enjoy their great gym, and have dinner with Jenny, who had the whole series of workshops organized, to debrief on the experience (yum, Tasmanian lamb!). After that, I met up with Jarra and Nick, and headed to Micky's for dessert (Banana Pancakes and Ice Cream!) to catch up and for me to celebrate the completion of 10 sessions in 11 days in 5 cities!
I'm writing this now on the flight to Vancouver -- I managed to get right to sleep after lunch on the 10am flight, which will hopefully mean I can work through the North American day and head to sleep at a proper time tonight. Saturday, we head to Quebec City for the World Youth Congress to meet TIG members from all over the world. I've also agreed to head to Brisbane on the 19th to speak at the Queenland Government's e-learning summit, and after that, I'll be ready to just settle down at home and enjoy the rest of the summer in Toronto :)
This is NOT a record of my life, these are NOT my 'inner secrets'.
These are... I don't know what they are.
But I think that in publicising my confusions in an incomplete manner, I misrepresent myself here. That is, in receiving little to no feedback (on average), I do not gain insight about you, nor our relationship, whileyour perception of me changes on these incomplete and easily-misunderstood messages. For strangers, these words serve their purpose (none), but for those I care about and are close to me, they do more (e.g. cause pain) than I ever intended.
Thus, they have to stop.
And they are stopping.
So thank you to everyone who has followed this blog thus far, but I think I need to take a break from these writings. Plus, I don't have enough time. Plus, what is honesty and transparency anyway? Just appropriateness?
OK, I was going to close this blog for good - partly because MC suggested I should and partly because I felt that I couldn't really talk about anything that was on my mind on here anymore. But then I figured, hey - I've thought these things through, so I might as well stick it up here for future reference or, maybe hey, someone else might actually find it useful, whether for its strings or gaps.
Lately, I've feeling really bad about myself and confused over balancing the Fid and experiencing life, with
severe doubts over my aptitude as a scientist/intelligent person
some anxiety over my close-to-absent social life and loneliness
Not that I'm just sitting here, worrying and doing nothing. I'm trying to do things for both the PhD and my social life, but whether or not these efforts will bear fruit remains to be seen.
So, even this morning, I was thinking,
am I able to do this? why am I doing this? maybe I should settle for something "less" and stop trying to be something (i.e. smart and creative) that I am not
my sups think I'm stupid
I am stupid
maybe being labelled as smart was causing me to put extra pressure on myself?
maybe all the signs up until now have been wrong - I've just 'hacked' my way through the system, appearing 'smart'
I feel left out of the lab circle because my intellectual-potential is no longer seen as on par
why don't I share my ideas as much anymore? what use are they in my book?
do I feel left out because I am female?
why do I feel bad about being female?
why do I worry so much? is this good or just a waste of time?
is this my weakness, my Achille's heel? will my self-doubt limit my progress?
why does my timidness result in others thinking I'm aloof?
why do I have no close relationships?
why do I not trust people and how is it that I am gullible at the same time?
But it's sort of like, well, if I'm really that useless, then I might as well be dead. And I'm not dead. And I don't want to be dead.
So, today my mind rearranged itself (without much conscious effort from me, thank goodness):
given that I am the way that I am, it's basically a miracle that the lab hasn't kicked me out yet (thank god, I probably wouldn't do a PhD anywhere else)
also, it has sort of been me kicking myself out
I need to stop being scared
despite my deficiencies, everyone is so willing to help and I am grateful for that
at least there is a hope that I will be smart one day (better than no hope)
at least my friends are still with me, even though I don't have much time for them
and sometimes I'm friendly, because I forget to be self-conscious
and sometimes I'm cold because I suddenly feel extreme fear of the outside world
at least there is a hope that one day I won't feel like such an alien here
at least I can still laugh at myself
Well, I'm glad I've sort of figured this out (again). I was feeling like there was no-one to talk to and I didn't want to blog about either because it was just so full of self-pity, confused thoughts/feelings and none of that is useful. I guess for some reason I thought I'd be resistant to this sort of self-doubt and self-denial of faith in oneself. I thought that because I'd been there before (long-term feelings of being unwanted and undeserving, as well as rapid drops in self-confidence/rises in self-doubt/paranoia), I'd be able to handle it easily. I guess I didn't really think that through - how was I going to handle it? I am not resistant, I still have to deal with it. So, I guess last time(s) I dealt with it by changing my perspective.
Sometimes I wonder whether that's just fooling myself. Maybe AB was right afterall with her horrified reaction to my choosing Science. But then people only judge by comparing with their understanding of their experiences and themselves. Some people tell me I am meticulous, prompt, logical/analytical, cold or calm under stressful situations, while some people tell me I have my head in the clouds, a free spirit, am creative, warm or a drama queen. Sometimes I think, 'what does it matter why non-parametric is different to parametric? what does it matter that different people prefer different programming languages?' but then sometimes I get that buzz from asking, 'which is more efficient/precise/accurate? why is it like that? yes or no or maybe? by how much? how about this? how about that?'
So, in summary:
stop being nervous
keep trying
remember to be grateful
stop drinking coffee
get some freaking sleep
True what AC said, "Cherrie, just relax and you will fly through" and BC with Queen Kong conquering 'WGC', 'varsity', 'the world' and 'happiness'. How sweet and teaching me with words written... 5 years ago. Shit, I've been away from home for 5 years. I guess the biggest thing I miss about that is constantly chasing my Mum for hugs, after learning (at16, 17?) that I could actually hug my parents.
Well, on my way to buy apples (because you know I love apples), I looked up at the starless (city) sky and saw the crescent moon smiling. How appropriate!
I guess one day I'll feel like all of this, this experience, is mine. But my intrinsic liberal nature has never really owned anything, has it?
Now that I've been away a full week, I forced myself to carve out some time to reflect on the intensity of the time so far before kicking off the second stretch.
As always, our summers at TakingITGlobal are quite busy -- generally for the education "industry", most conferences are held during the summer when teachers have school holidays. This summer, as a follow-up to my keynote at last October's ACEL (Australian Counsel of Educational Leaders) conference (which was apparently quite good even though I was quite sick at the time), I was invited to be a "Traveling Scholar" for ACEL, presenting 5 full-day workshops on TakingITGlobal to school leaders and teachers across Australia. In addition, I started off the trip by keynoting a leadership conference at Melbourne Grammar School, and today keynoted the International Middle Years conference in Adelaide... so I've made quite good use of two weeks!
Sunday - Wednesday: Melbourne
After the trek from Toronto to Vancouver to Sydney to Melbourne, I knew the first thing I needed to do to keep my sanity was to spend a good amount of time at the fitness center at the Westin. What a great idea - it helped me refresh, have a fantastic swim in the beautiful infinity pool, and after a brief stroll that was quickly canceled when the rain started, I got to sleep at a reasonable hour.
On Monday, I woke up nice and early and arrived at the charming greened campus of Melbourne Grammar, one of Melbourne's oldest and most respected private schools. To their enormous credit, they had invited students from a broad cross-section of Melbourne to attend the conference, in addition to a grade of their students. I was brilliantly introduced by one of their capable students, and my keynote was well-received - with more questions from students than we had time for. Following the keynote, a panel including a futurist, scientist, and Aboriginal leader Patrick Dodson, who cited my presentation several times as they discussed issues of leadership in the 21st century and challenged students to act on the issues they felt challenged by. In the afternoon, I ran several hours of hands-on workshops guiding a small group of students through the TIG site and beginning the Guide to Action as a tool for action planning.
Tuesday morning, I visited Kilsyth, a suburb of Melbourne, and ran a 3 hour workshop with a group of teachers across that region looking at TIG and especially with an interest in Health education... it was a good challenge because we didn't have Internet except for a very slow 2G connection, so I was able to get well prepared and experiment with some activities for the following days' sessions!
That evening, I traveled to Mooney Valley Racecourse (home of Australia's best race - the Cox plate, worth $3 million!) and presented our work at TIG to about 150 principals, who also had some great questions, and I enjoyed meeting a teacher who grew up in Mississauga and had spent his recent years enjoying and exploring Australia's wilderness.
On Wednesday, I spent from 9 AM to 3:30 PM with an enthusiastic group of teachers and principals learning about TIG, exploring global issues, and understanding how to fit our programs and ideas at TIG into the curriculum and everyday use in their classrooms. I also shared our Best Practices on Global Education resource with them... and then I was off to the airport, heading to my next destination: Tasmania!
Thursday - Saturday: Hobart, Tasmania
On Thursday, I woke up and did it all over again, in a beautiful setting amongst Lemon trees at Lateare Gardens in Hobart with a fire burning to keep us all warm and cozy from the cold outside! I think the goals of what we do at TakingITGlobal really connected closely with some people - one teacher was literally in tears sharing how wonderful she thought what we did was... it's really a special opportunity (as exhausting as it is) to be able to share our work with people that are also dedicating their lives to helping young people develop. I think sometimes we all forget the power and opportunity we have to impact the lives of others - and I feel like a few people really felt reconnected to that opportunity, which is really an amazing opportunity to be able to stimulate.
After a short 2 hour break to refresh and do some e-mail, I headed off to the Hobart Yacht club, where I addressed about 50 high school principals, who weren't able to attend the day's workshop because they were having a leadership retreat. I had to pack 90 minutes into a 30 minute before dinner speech, so I think it was overwhelming, but many of them were quite excited by what we do... and I had delicious local Salmon which was a bonus!
The next day was my main day off. I decided not to head off to my next destination right away, but to stick around in Hobart and see some of the beautiful wildlife Tasmania has to offer. So I signed up for a Tasman Island Eco Cruise - having no idea how much of an adventure it would be! After a scenic bus ride to Port Arthur, one of the main convict colonies from the 1800s, we boarded a powerful boat (675 HP) that they describe as a 4x4 of the sea. Initially the ride was quite smooth - and we discovered some caves and amazing rock formations on the coast. The "swells" were only about 1 meter, and so it was just like jumping waves on a boat at home.
However, once we got out to the Tasman Sea, things got a lot more interesting. The waves and the winds were coming strongly from an unusual direction, and 2-3 meter waves and swells gave us quite a ride! I had chosen to sit in the 4th row (moved from the 2nd) and for close to an hour, we jumped waves and it felt like we were on a roller coaster as we plunged down after riding a wave.... but I stuck with my seat - a once-in-a-lifetime experience!
We arrived at two areas with Australian and New Zealand seals, and at a cove where dolphins chased our boat around until we had to leave - amazing to lean over and watch them at the water and bow of the boat jumping up playfully! A number of albatross with their huge wingspans also provided us with an amazing show - watching them fish and gracefully glide across the sky with nothing around us but huge rock and menacing water... or what looked menacing in my book. In 1998, however, the water was so rough that in the annual Sydney-Hobart race, five boats sank and six sailors were killed.
On Saturday morning, before heading to the airport, I spent a few hours enjoying the Salamanca Market, with hundreds of stalls offering delicious local treats and art and coffee and everything needed to pass a few hours and take in the culture of a place!
Sunday - Monday: Adelaide, South Australia
Now I'm here in Adelaide, where this morning I keynoted the International Middle Years of Schooling conference, and was again introduced by a fantastic student duo! I gave out dozens of bookmarks afterwards, with many many people promising to check out the site and connect their students into TIG. I was also followed by an excellent presentation by Professor Erica, who gave a talk on creativity that linked really perfectly and built on top of many of the themes I covered.
Tomorrow I'm off to the Australian Science and Mathematics School to do another day-long workshop, and then heading to Canberra the next morning... I'll be sure to check in soon with more! And I'll be editing this entry in about 2 hours with photos once they upload.
Sunday morning rain is falling Steal some covers share some skin Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable You twist to fit the mould that I am in
But things just get so crazy Living life gets hard to do And I would gladly hit the road Get up and go if I knew That someday it would lead me back to you That someday it would lead me back to you
That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave
Fingers trace your every outline Paint a picture with my hands And back and forth we sway Like branches in a storm Change of weather Still together when it ends
That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy Living life gets hard to do Sunday morning rain is falling And I'm calling out to you Singing someday it will bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself back home to you
You may not know That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning Driving slow, yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah
There's a flower in your hair I'm a flower in your hair
Of My Own Ignorance and Doubting My Abilities to Reduce It
Learning is like washing your clothes. Every week there's a new load - you wish you could do say, +3 loads and thereby free yourself for 2 weeks, but you just can't do that. Likewise with learning, you can't be ahead of it. You can't know what you need to know to make that connection and/or discovery. So I guess, go as broad and as deep as you can. But tens of papers later (within this week or so), I feel not very much enlightened.
My 'week' has included (for my future self or any other Fid students wanting to know how round-about one can be):
object-based programming (which actually sounds like Actionscript in Flash and the reusable objects, seem, in theory, to be v. economical - but I'm forever duplicating objects in Flash, when I should just create instances... but maybe I'm just confused)
'Does science make God obsolete?' (Templeton series; sort of odd question with loaded connotations/intentions, so just skimmed - heaps of them were cop-outs, even Pinker and Hitchens' were disappointing, but I quite enjoyed Sapolsky,
"So why is belief still relevant? To this I'd offer a very a-scientific answer. It is for the ecstasy...I mean those instances where you're suffused with gratitude for life and experience and the chance to do good, where every neuron is flooded with the momentness of feeling the breeze on its cellular cheek. A scientist... may feel ecstatic about a finding...but science...is not very good at producing ecstasy...(and) there are good arguments to be made for why science shouldn't do ecstasy...By contrast, the potential for ecstasy is deeply intertwined with religiosity...This may seem an unfair tilting of the debate against science...But building your life's explanations around science isn't a profession. It is, at its core, an emotional contract, an agreement to only derive comfort from rationality...The world would not be a better place without ecstasy, but it would be one if there wasn't religion. But don't expect science to fill the hole that would be left behind, or to convince you that there is none."
... because as you know, I'm quite inclined to believe there is no hole, or rather the hole is not real even if it is perceived to exist.
Frequentist vs. Bayesian view on probability (thought it might have been useful, probably a waste of time)
Binomial distributions/quantised events
decision theory (again, probably a waste of time)
differential equations (again, I thought this might help, but maybe not. At least I can do those Bernoulli ones now)
'stimulated emission', 'non-linear refractive index media/gain media/Kerr lens modelocking, self-focussing' (new terms I learnt just today... maybe except the first one :S)
On top of those, thinking about my actual experiments (which was actually sort of fun). I sort of don't know what to expect of myself, so I'm getting extremely tired from non-stop trying to understand things, but someone always raises something else I've never met. I'm just sort of annoyed that I don't seem to know anything useful... but I guess I'm just doing very wide helices and hopefully I will converge soon towards an answer or at least coherence...
Hmm... but I just thought of something practical I can do tomorrow.
Of Realities As We Age (Human Nature/Nature)
fear of abandonment/loneliness as very real as we move away from the protection and unconditional love of our parents and family
vanity in being desired as a real and very basic mode of motivation
helplessness and insignificance in the vast world, yet at the same time, immense power and influence that can be exerted by an individual
others with thoughts like you, but also with thoughts very unlike you and some intricate pattern of such thoughts and tendencies create those that you gravitate towards
limitless people to meet, yet only a few will really be there
selfishness as a neutral and expected quality
Lately I've been trying to understand why people apparently become needy for companionship as they age, but I guess from the points noted above, it's really a combination of our moving away from established filial (and other) ties and recognition/allowance of our own vanity/selfishness, so it's like an unmasking of need, not development of.
I don't know if these thoughts are stupid or not. I don't know how it compares with the rest of the population of xy-year olds or if that matters. I don't know if I am actually smart, I just know I want to do better than this. I don't know if I am strange, but I know that when I look at my life, it's nothing like my friends'. But I suppose theirs' are not like each others', either. I guess I want to sort of know that I am leading it in the right way, though I don't know that anyone else can make that judgement but me. Still, it would be interesting to see what the world sees. I suspect a vastly different figure.
It's been hailing/raining all morning. It was some sort of mockery of the fact that I haven't expressed myself freely for some time. Further, I realised that I don't know how to live in a way that I truly find enjoyable (as opposed to changing my perspective/adapting, which I'm quite good at). I know how to get things done very well (i.e. reach a desired outcome), but how to I get my life lived?
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters
Wake up in the morning with a head like ‘what ya done?’ This used to be the life but I don’t need another one. You like cuttin’ up and carrying on, you wear them gowns. So how come I feel so lonely when you’re up getting down?
So I'll play along when I hear that special song I’m gonna be the one who gets it right. You'd better move when you're swayin’ round the room Looks like the magic's only ours tonight
[Chorus:] But I don’t feel like dancin’ When the old Joanna plays My heart could take a chance But my two feet can’t find a way You'd think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway But I don’t feel like dancin’ No sir, no dancin’ today. Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’ Even if I find nothin' better to do Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’ Why’d you break it down when I’m not in the mood? Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’ I'd rather be home with no-one, if I can't get down with you.
Cities come and cities go just like the old empires When all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile. You got so many colours make a blind man so confused. Then why can’t I keep up when you’re the only thing I lose?
So I’ll just pretend that I know which way to bend And I’m gonna tell the whole world that you’re mine. Just please understand, when I see you clap your hands If you stick around I’m sure that I'll be fine
[Chorus]
You can’t make me dance around But your two-step makes my chest pound. Just lay me down As you float away into the shimmer light.
The Sound Of Silence - Brooke Fraser Originally recorded by Simon & Garfunkel
Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision, softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone, 'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share And no-one dared Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools," said I, "you do not know Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you." But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed In the wells of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed To the neon God they made. And the sign flashed its warning, In the words that it was forming. And the signs said, "the words of the prophets Are written on the subway walls And tenement halls. And whispered in the sounds of silence."
Oh my god, the deceit and misuse are so glaringly obvious now - how could I not have seen it before? I don't know what to do - retreat or fight? Can I do anything? What are the chances that an army of one will win? Can I even fathom a winning situation?
The worst always comes from the inside. And the ticker within counting each one shakes my whole soul, but I was defiant. Yet now I know I should have let go a long time ago.
It's cold! I went for a run today and as I was coming back along the waterfront, it started raining, then hailing! Apart from the fact I couldn't feel my fingers, it was actually pretty fun. I love storm rain - I like the volume, the sound, the uniformity. Anyway, just a quick update on things that have happened of late:
lab dinner at De Fontein for YJ's departure - very nice, but extremely expensive! It was also v. cool to have RH there and also to go to Movenpick afterwards...
driving with ND - v. awesome
breakfast at Cima with KO - also v. awesome
lots of marking - but it's sort of fun
chill-out at the PGSA thing on Friday - it was actually a good opportunity to catch up with everyone and I am sort of feeling better now that I've figured out what's been bothering one of my friends and now I can work out exactly what to do
Because (1) I've just spent all day with essays, (2) I feel like my life consists of,
life = (lab-blink-)n
where, blink = non-lab things, e.g. sleep and, n = days
and, (3) I think this will amuse you, I present to you,
'The Circle of Life'
Here, I have a circle. This is your domain, your 'microworld' or window through which you perceive. It encloses everything ('others') of which you are consciously- and subconsciously-aware. Beyond the circle are things you have not perceived/encountered. Others are objects, concepts, places, people, anything. They are fluid. They are not locked to a grid. This grid is space-time, 'time' in diagram. They swim in the abstract.
The perimeter is the interface between what you have absorbed and what you have yet to know of. This perimeter is but an arbitrary demarcation along a continuum, where distance from the centre, 'X', indicates your openness and understanding.
Some of you may know that if you follow a point around the perimeter of a circle and trace its vertical displacement over time, then you will get a sinusoidal waveform, as shown.
This vertical displacement marks your circumstance or 'state of being' and this fluctuates through time above and below an 'offset'. Above is a positive (e.g. happy) state of being, while below is a negative (e.g. sad) state of being.
Relative and absolute position of the centre are important for your state of being. If the centre shifts in relation to your circle, then you have eccentric rotation (vs. concentric). In these cases, your state of being can have a complex waveform, that can be reconstructed or understood using the simple waveform shown above. The rate of movement of the centre can indicate 'stability' of your state of being function and by stability, I mean, having all values close to the mean value. Vertical displacement of the centre determines your offset and I think this this is largely determined by your personality, though admittedly your personality, though largely stable and characteristic, can be affected by extrinsic factors. Horizontal displacement will shift your exposure to various 'others', or if you like, move you around in the mileu of perceivable things so that you can experience different things. Movement of the centre can be directed (e.g. you can force yourself to have a new experience) or a random walk. This will now be further elaborated, as the ability for X to affect the breadth of your perception is via the radius, r.
The radius (r) affects the magnitude of the fluctuations in your state of being, and the rate at which r changes is your 'state of becoming'. Of course, as r increases, your microworld enlarges and in principle you are able to understand/empathise with increasing 'others'. There are various 'forces' that can contribute to the expansion or dimunition of your circle as indicated by the E and I arrows. Briefly, the E arrow encapsulates qualities (innate and/or learned) such as curiosity, willpower to explore and keep an open mind/heart and willingness to have an education/understand the world. The I arrow includes qualities such as stubbornness and closed-mindedness, inability to see different aspects of the same thing and conditions such as lack of opportunity or resources. But of course, increasing r decreases stability. Discussed further later.
The periodicity of your waveform may never be defined depending on the nature of it. However, space-time is perceived by you. How you perceive it is largely dependent on your offset. Periodicity depends on your perception and can be considered something that is an 'other', for you to understand and try to enclose, but cannot entirely unless you are as large as the universe itself.
OK, so that's the real basics of this funny little story. Here go the more 'advanced' parts:
By circles, you know I really mean spheres, or maybe structures with more dimensions. Each of these structures are beings or existences. Even objects have them, but they are unable to shape them as conscious beings are. Indeed, we are sentient, we are self-conscious.
'Spheres' or 'bubbles' or 'microworlds' of different beings can overlap and that's what our interactions are. Our interfaces intertwine, interfere, interact - the waves mingling and trying to comprehend. It's energy.
Sometimes these bubbles meet, touch and never separate until they cease to exist as the entities they were in the instant before they met. Categorisation is arbitrary.
Sometimes you can see bubbles from far away and they radiate rainbow colours of interference patterns - an indication of what's within the bubble - of which is too 'far' (not actually distance as such) to discern.
If you reduce your 'radius' to its limit, you will become nothing. Would you know? Would your trace flat-line until you vanish? Are you stable?
If you expand your radius to infinity, you will stretch your resources. Would you have the capacity to maintain your integrity? Would you risk falling apart to see how far you can stretch?
The dynamics of a changing r (its rate and absolute value) can change the circularity of your microworld and therefore, your state of being. Perhaps the goal is to shape and roam your microworld such that it can faithfully present to your perception, the reality, i.e. improve the accuracy and precision of your lens. [prev. post about Life As A Lens]
Is control over the rates of change the key? Or maybe it's simpler than that. Just that we change, we move. Life doesn't exist at equilibrium even though we always try to get back to it. It's like we're always trying to go home. Where's home?
END
Anyway, in my news, still not sleeping, but mood slightly better - must be getting used to not sleeping as much. Still sort of melancholic. Also, my voice sounds different.
I'm speaking tomorrow at PUSH, an interesting conference here in Minneapolis, MN
The first session that just wrapped up was quite interesting - Chandran Nair took us through a look at the world's problems and how many misconceptions there are about what can solve them. What I found striking was the comparison of world problems to spending on trivial/much less meaningful things:
Health & Nutrition ($13B) : Petfood Spending in the USA ($17B)
Water and Sanitation ($9B) : Ice Cream in Europe ($11B)
Education ($6B) : Cosmetics in the USA ($8B)
Jonathan Greenblatt, one of the co-founders of Ethos Water, also gave us a compelling look into the world of Water and how simple and cheap ($25/person) it is to solve. The one thing I don't get - on a $1.79 bottle of water, Starbucks (which acquired Ethos) donates 5 cents (10 cents in Canada oddly). They were founded on the basis of donating 50% of profits... I can't believe profit on that bottle of water is only 10 cents! (considering how much cheaper other bottled water is). Anyway, he now works with a new magazine - GOOD - which has a unique subscription model of giving away the $20 subscription fee to a charity of your choice.
After the trek from Toronto to Vancouver to Sydney to Melbourne, I knew the first thing I needed to do to keep my sanity was to spend a good amount of time at the fitness center at the Westin. What a great idea - it helped me refresh, have a fantastic swim in the beautiful infinity pool, and after a brief stroll that was quickly canceled when the rain started, I got to sleep at a reasonable hour.
On Thursday, I woke up and did it all over again, in a beautiful setting amongst Lemon trees at Lateare Gardens in Hobart with a fire burning to keep us all warm and cozy from the cold outside! I think the goals of what we do at TakingITGlobal really connected closely with some people - one teacher was literally in tears sharing how wonderful she thought what we did was... it's really a special opportunity (as exhausting as it is) to be able to share our work with people that are also dedicating their lives to helping young people develop. I think sometimes we all forget the power and opportunity we have to impact the lives of others - and I feel like a few people really felt reconnected to that opportunity, which is really an amazing opportunity to be able to stimulate.
